One of them has to do with Olympics. Yes. Check it out. You will be glad you did.
- Throw a surprise party for their dog and genuinely expect the dog to act surprised.
- Refer to muddy paw prints as “blessed footprints.”
- Buy a tiny treadmill and set step goals for the dog’s Fitbit.
- Host a cooking competition: Top Dog Chef, judged entirely by tail wags.
- Let the dog press elevator buttons and wait even when it’s the wrong floor.
- Sing lullabies to their dog every night.
- Record their dog’s bark and use it as their ringtone.
- Hold a candlelight vigil when their dog’s favorite toy finally dies.
- Let the dog write a blog titled “Bark Twice If You’re Hungry.”
- Dress the dog as a turkey for Thanksgiving and seat them at the head of the table.
- Build a bark-powered treat dispenser.
- Host a TED Talk called “Sniffing for Success.”
- Schedule a “me and dog” sabbatical.
- Create a fake reality series about their dog’s love triangle.
- Let their dog “direct” short films by barking at scenes.
- Keep a jar of “first whisker lost.”
- Hang a “Live, Bark, Love” canvas in every room.
- Order matching yoga mats and attend dog-human hot yoga.
- Hold a roast chicken funeral when the dog finishes a chew toy shaped like one.
- Commission an oil painting of their dog in Napoleon’s uniform.
- Designate a corner of the house as the “Zen Bark Zone.”
- Make a miniature karaoke machine for the dog and duet with them.
- Enter the dog into a dance competition (poor judge).
- Create a vision board for the dog’s “dream dog park.”
- Hold a Pawdcast called “The Borkening.”
- Start a fictional business and assign the dog as CFO (Chief Fluff Officer).
- Teach the dog to hold a paintbrush and sell their work on Etsy.
- Throw a fake award show and give them a “Lifetime Achievement in Cuddles.”
- Build a fake passport so they can “pretend travel” together.
- Post Instagram “couple” photos with #RelationshipGoals.
- Train the dog to bark once for “yes,” twice for “hell yes.”
- Say “my therapist says I project onto my dog” while continuing to do it.
- Give the dog a monocle and host a tea party.
- Rename their house “Pawsh Palace.”
- Send the dog’s photo as a headshot to casting calls.
- Brag that their dog has “more emotional intelligence than most people.”
- Create a fake law firm ad starring their dog: “We Fight for Your Bites!”
- Make TikTok lip-syncs where the dog mouths dramatic breakup speeches.
- Host a masquerade ball for dogs in their building.
- Write an eBook from the dog’s point of view titled “Paws and Reflect.”
- Decorate their car to look like a giant dog bone.
- Call their dog a “foodie” because he once ate foie gras off the floor.
- Create themed “Dog of the Month” calendars and distribute them to family.
- Create dog horoscopes based on moon phase and how loudly the dog barked.
- Let their dog bark at Alexa to control the lights.
- Host a “Bark Tank” competition where dogs pitch startup ideas.
- Turn doggy daycare drop-off into an emotional goodbye scene.
- Refer to the vet as “their personal physician.”
- Build a fake therapist office set and pretend their dog is processing his childhood.
- Create a guided meditation app voiced by the dog (via snores and woofs).
- Make dog-safe peanut butter art and display it as modern expressionism.
- Use puppets to reenact their dog’s daily emotional arc.
- Let the dog choose what music to play by stepping on color-coded pads.
- Try to find their dog’s astrological twin and start a podcast together.
- Buy a mini rowing machine and put the dog on a fitness routine.
- Refer to leash pulling as “high-intensity leash training.”
- Throw a doggy quinceañera, complete with mariachi.
- Make a “this is your life” documentary about their dog’s stuffed animal.
- Do morning affirmations with the dog: “I am a good boy. I am strong. I chase squirrels with purpose.”
- Recreate their favorite movie scenes using their dog as every character.
- Build a Barkbnb listing and pretend their dog hosts weekend guests.
- Brag about their dog’s GPA in obedience school.
- Pretend their dog is an alien trying to learn human behavior.
- Make a museum exhibit of their dog’s destroyed toys.
- Use their dog’s howl as a feature in their lo-fi music track.
- Brag about their dog’s “six-pack” from all the fetch.
- Make a dog-scale replica of their office cubicle.
- Let the dog “host” a livestream Q&A with other pets.
- Conduct interviews to find their dog’s “forever barkfriend.”
- Plan and execute a full-blown “Dogchella” music festival.
- Recreate their favorite TV show intros with the dog in costume (The Borklorette, Dogflix Originals).
- Start an Etsy store selling paw print NFTs.
- Post a letter “written by the dog” explaining why they won’t be attending brunch.
- Get a fake Oscar engraved: “Best Actor in a Dramatic Pee.”
- Organize a photoshoot called “The 12 Poses of Snuggles.”
- Make a TikTok where they compare their dog to all 12 zodiac signs.
- Call the backyard “The Barkyard Club.”
- Use puppetry to perform therapy scenes with the dog.
- Celebrate the anniversary of their dog’s first sneeze.
- Start a “Good Boy Book Club” and let the dog chew the books they hate.
- Refer to their dog’s growl as “his native tongue.”
- Make a scrapbook titled “52 Weeks of Woof.”
- Build a fake dog-sized gym: “Planet Pawness.”
- Run a campaign to rename all days of the week: Moan-day, Chews-day, Woof-nesday, etc.
- Make their dog pose for senior portraits in a cap and gown.
- Set up a savings account “for the dog’s retirement.”
- Create a power point titled “Why Baxter Deserves a Pony.”
- Let the dog record a podcast where it’s just heavy breathing and tail thumps.
- Put the dog’s picture on their business cards and call them “Head of Barketing.”
- Call farts “sonic tailwind.”
- Refer to barking at night as “late-night content drops.”
- Let the dog sleep in a tiny canopy bed with blackout curtains.
- Carry their dog in a Baby Yoda backpack.
- Host an “adoption anniversary roast” where guests tell funny stories about the dog.
- Train the dog to sit whenever they hear the phrase “taxes are due.”
- Refer to vet bills as “tuition for Barkvard.”
- Claim their dog is “taking a gap year.”
- Host an Olympic-style nap competition.
- Build a “Museum of Smells” with curated whiffs.
- End every conversation with “Gotta go, the dog has a Zoom call.”