100 Absurd Things Boston Dog Owners Do With Their Dogs

# 46 Is Just Insane. Check it out.

1. Throw them birthday parties with dog-friendly cupcakes and tiny hats.
2. Hire dog psychics to “communicate” with them.
3. Dress them up as hot dogs on Halloween.
4. Take them to dog yoga (aka “doga”).
5. Post “my dog is a Capricorn” memes.
6. Give them Instagram accounts with more followers than you.
7. Refer to themselves as “dog mom” or “dog dad” unironically.
8. Install “paw-cleaning stations” at their front doors.
9. Let the dog sleep on a $1,200 memory foam mattress while they sleep on the couch.
10. Make TikToks where they “voiceover” their dog’s inner thoughts.
11. Paint their dog’s nails.
12. Hire doggy chiropractors.
13. Make their dog a groomsman at their wedding.
14. Build their dog its own bedroom.
15. Buy dog perfume (yes, it’s a thing).
16. Call their dog their “fur baby” in work meetings.
17. Cook elaborate homemade meals that are fancier than what they eat.
18. Celebrate “Gotcha Day” with a party and gift bags.
19. Teach them how to use doorbells.
20. Set up Zoom calls between their dog and other dogs.
21. Take them to couples counseling.
22. Enroll them in “dog modeling” agencies.
23. Make a Spotify playlist “for when I’m not home so he doesn’t feel sad.”
24. Push them in baby strollers.
25. Put bowties on them “for formal dinners.”
26. Hire a pet detective to find them when they run off.
27. Share their dog’s ancestry DNA test results like it’s a big reveal.
28. Buy matching pajamas.
29. Train them to “propose” with a ring box tied around their neck.
30. Let them sit at the table in a high chair.
31. Talk to them like they’re fluent in English.
32. Blame their farts on the dog (which is actually fine tbh).
33. Hold “gender reveal” parties for new puppies.
34. Make a “bark mitzvah.”
35. Share their dog’s “LinkedIn” profile for networking.
36. Let them have their own email account.
37. Use a dog car seat.
38. Install a dog cam and speak through it like a surveillance overlord.
39. Knit them sweaters from their own fur.
40. Give them “dog wine.”
41. Claim their dog “loves classical music.”
42. Say “he doesn’t bite” seconds before being tackled.
43. Refer to the dog as “my child” during doctor visits (for themselves).
44. Bring them to Home Depot in a BabyBjörn.
45. Say, “he’s vegan by choice.”
46. Organize dog speed-dating events.
47. Let them “pick their own outfit” in the morning.
48. Buy matching Crocs (dog Crocs exist—look it up).
49. Wear shirts that say “Dog Hair, Don’t Care.”
50. Post motivational quotes with their dog’s face.
51. Create annual family photo shoots with the dog in costume.
52. Throw a dog quinceañera.
53. Create elaborate scavenger hunts “for enrichment.”
54. Bake them a dog-friendly Thanksgiving dinner.
55. Give them jobs like “chief happiness officer.”
56. Take them to acupuncture.
57. Train them to “vote” by touching buttons.
58. Use baby monitors just for the dog.
59. Get a tattoo of the dog’s paw print.
60. Let the dog choose what to watch on Netflix.
61. Train them to “say grace” before eating.
62. Make the dog a “flower girl” and expect her to toss petals.
63. Let them swipe on a dating app for you.
64. Build a “dog mansion” in the backyard.
65. Use dog cologne that smells like bacon.
66. Let the dog go on spa retreats.
67. Treat their dog’s opinion on their dates as gospel.
68. Celebrate their dog’s “half birthday.”
69. Commission professional oil portraits.
70. Hold a candlelight vigil when they lose a tennis ball.
71. Make the dog wear a GoPro to film “a day in the life.”
72. Refer to dog farts as “bark bombs.”
73. Print business cards for the dog.
74. Hang up “Employee of the Month” certificates with the dog’s name.
75. Give the dog a LinkedIn endorsement for “being a good boy.”
76. Make the dog the ring bearer…with a tiny tux.
77. Create a dog bucket list.
78. Enroll them in scent-detection courses “just in case.”
79. Make ASMR videos of the dog chewing.
80. Let the dog pick your outfit by sniffing different clothing items.
81. Print out a yearbook for the dog’s daycare.
82. Refer to themselves as the dog’s “roommate.”
83. Pretend the dog is texting them.
84. Let the dog join Zoom work meetings in business attire.
85. Buy a dog treadmill.
86. Make the dog sit for a family fortune teller.
87. Let the dog open presents with their own wrapping paper.
88. Have “Spa Sundays” with the dog.
89. Play romantic slow jams for their dog’s dinner time.
90. Get a matching friendship bracelet and collar set.
91. Sign their dog’s name on greeting cards.
92. Set the dog’s profile as their phone background—forever.
93. Call the vet “the doctor” like it’s Grey’s Anatomy.
94. Refer to other dogs as “friends” even when they’re clearly enemies.
95. Let the dog have a Pinterest account.
96. Get their dog a “therapist.”
97. Buy them a dog wedding cake topper.
98. Make PowerPoint presentations about how much they love their dog.
99. Take the dog on dates, just the two of them.
100. Let the dog have a signature scent.