100 Dog-Human Shenanigans California Residents Do With Their Dogs

weird! Most especially #597. 🐾

Create a dating profile for their dog and actually screen suitors.
Print their dog’s name on a reusable Starbucks cup “for pawsonalization.”
Hire a puppeteer to act out their dog’s dream wedding.
Install a “treat vending machine” that takes barks as currency.
Refer to hair all over the couch as “fluff feng shui.”
Put the dog on speakerphone during family meetings.
Use the dog as a stand-in baby at baby showers.
Refer to barking at squirrels as “expressive poetry.”
Hang a “Do Not Disturb: Pawffice Hours” sign on the dog’s crate.
Design a dog-only dating app: “Sniffr.”
Recreate famous album covers with the dog.
Bake their dog’s paw print into every birthday cake (and pretend it’s adorable).
Put their dog on a “keto for canines” plan.
Do DNA tests “just to confirm he’s part wizard.”
Run a photo series: Dogs in Existential Crisis.
Train the dog to ring a bell to vote in family disputes.
Hold an “intervention” for the dog’s tennis ball addiction.
Make their dog’s bedtime story into a three-act play.
Claim their dog is “a Libra and it shows.”
Buy blue-light glasses for the dog because “he stares at squirrels on the iPad too long.”
Frame the first poop in snow like it’s a moon landing.
Carry a laminated “dog resume” to dog parks.
Refer to belly rubs as “weekly therapy.”
Build a tiny IKEA kitchen for the dog.
Record the dog’s bark and use AI to generate lyrics.
Say their dog is “emotionally gluten-free.”
Send the dog to “mindfulness for mutts” workshops.
Dress them in seasonal vests like a weather anchor.
Create a LinkedIn post about the dog “starting a new chapter sniffing bushes.”
Refer to the dog’s farts as “emotional releases.”
Decorate the backyard as “The Barkyardigans Adventure Zone.”
Take the dog to a Renaissance Faire in full bard costume.
Brag that their dog has “over 1,000 stick reviews on Yelp.”
Host a TEDx talk in their living room: “What My Dog Taught Me About Time Management.”
Let the dog choose their Halloween costume by sniffing options.
Dress their dog as a historical figure for Presidents’ Day.
Let the dog vote on which friend gets invited to brunch.
Create a line of paw print-themed stationery.
Make a calendar of “Dogs Who Chew With Purpose.”
Cry when the dog gets a toy stuck under the couch—“not again, Gerald!”
Recreate The Last Supper using treats and dog guests.
Claim their dog once barked the melody to Bohemian Rhapsody.
Host “Wine & Whine” night with other dog parents.
Let the dog pick stocks using chew toys labeled with ticker symbols.
Start a motivational TikTok series: “Words of Woofdom.”
Decorate the car like a doggy Uber—treats in every seat.
Translate the dog’s thoughts into Shakespearean sonnets.
Build a gingerbread house every Christmas “just for Barkley.”
Teach the dog to “boop” instead of bark.
Run a dog-themed Dungeons & Dragons campaign.
Make the dog’s paw print the family crest.
Collect hair tumbleweeds from the floor and call them “memory fluff.”
Play the piano and pretend the dog is critiquing it.
Take vacation photos with the dog photoshopped in.
Pretend the dog is “on a cleanse” after eating garbage.
Let the dog wear tiny shoes just for dramatic clacking on the hardwood.
Plan an entire wedding around whether the dog can be the ring bearer.
Train the dog to do a slow dramatic head turn for TikTok.
Make a mural of “Barky’s Barkspedition of 2023.”
Host a competitive sniffing event with medals.
Refer to their dog as their “accountability partner.”
Try to teach the dog yoga and then claim “he naturally prefers downward squirrel.”
Say their dog is polyamorous because he loves all the neighbor dogs.
Create a full family tree based on their dog’s DNA test.
Make a scavenger hunt in the park called “The Lost Squeaky.”
Make a “Pupflix and Chill” date kit.
Add “Professional Snuggler” to the dog’s resume.
Write breakup letters to the dog’s old collar.
Use the dog’s sniff choices to play “Would You Rather.”
Refer to aggressive licking as “assertive affection.”
Build a tiny haunted house and walk the dog through it every October.
Teach the dog how to open gifts “like a gentleman.”
Post a “What My Dog Eats In A Day” as if he’s a fitness model.
Celebrate “Gotcha Month” instead of just the day.
Let the dog choose who gets Secret Santa by sniff.
Make an ASMR video of their dog drinking water.
Get their dog a therapist after moving houses.
Refer to tail chasing as “deep introspection.”
Host a musical chairs game but every seat is a dog bed.
Have the dog judge a chili cook-off by sniff intensity.
Post “before and after” shots of bath time like a makeover show.
Celebrate the anniversary of the dog’s first bark at a vacuum.
Let the dog open their Amazon packages “like it’s Christmas every day.”
Film a trailer for a fake action movie called The Barkening.
Throw a retirement party for their dog’s last squeaky toy.
Brag that the dog once “went 14 hours without barking—total monk mode.”
Print fake college diplomas for their dog: “Summa Bark Laude.”
Use “Zoomies per Hour” as a unit of measurement.
Claim their dog once sensed a breakup 3 days early.
Start a dog-themed escape room where dogs have to find their treat.
Give the dog an “Employee of the Month” plaque every month.
Recreate their favorite romcom with the dog as both leads.
Build a replica of the White House and call it “Barkington, D.C.”
Refer to barking at 3 a.m. as “ghost patrol duties.”
Host a doggy film festival with short films made from GoPro footage.
Take DNA tests and say “we’re 0.7% related—told you!”
Send Valentine’s cards from the dog “to all my floofy crushes.”
Use the dog’s butt wiggle as a sign from the universe.
Write apology notes from the dog after every zoomie-induced accident.
Create a TikTok series called “Is My Dog Gaslighting Me?”